20 Homeschool Parent Best Practices Do’s and Don’ts

Every parent wants to be the best parent they can be. But children don’t come with a detailed or individualized manual — and every child is unique. Educating your own kids compounds this beautifully. How can a parent love, teach, care for, and nurture their relationships with their children without crumbling? With a little intention and daily practice, you truly can be the parent you want to be.

The Montessori Foundation: Relationship First

The ShillerLearning curriculum is built on a respectful relationship between parent and child — a principle that sits at the very heart of Montessori philosophy. Dr. Maria Montessori believed that the adult’s role is not to direct or control the child, but to observe, prepare the environment, and guide with respect. The language we use, the choices we offer, and the way we respond to frustration all shape not just the lesson — but the child’s relationship with learning itself.

📊 What the research shows: A 2012 study published in Developmental Psychology found that children whose parents used autonomy-supportive language — offering choices, acknowledging feelings, and avoiding controlling phrases — showed significantly higher intrinsic motivation, academic engagement, and emotional wellbeing than children in more directive environments. This is precisely what Montessori-style communication is designed to cultivate. A 2006 landmark study in Science (Lillard & Else-Quest) confirmed that Montessori-educated children demonstrated superior executive function, social skills, and academic outcomes — outcomes that begin with how adults speak to and interact with children every day.

“The greatest gifts we can give our children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”
— Maria Montessori

The Do’s: 12 Practices That Build Thriving Learners

In homeschooling and parenting in general, parents will be most successful when they practice these habits consistently:

Praise — Montessori style.Recognition that doesn’t interrupt work or train a child to seek outside approval. Try: “I see how hard you worked on that,” “Your math is written so neatly you can easily check your work,” or “What do you think of your work?”
Direct the student to the appropriate activity. Guide rather than command — the child’s engagement follows the adult’s calm direction.
Put away one activity before starting another. Order is a Montessori sensitive period. A tidy environment supports concentration and self-regulation.
Use careful language at all times — and expect it in return.The words we use become the words our children use. Language shapes thought.
Use respectful language.“You may put away your work now” instead of “You have to put away your work now.” Small shifts in phrasing communicate enormous respect.
Maintain a sense of humor and perspective. Joy is not a distraction from learning — it is a condition for it. Research consistently shows that positive affect improves memory, creativity, and problem-solving.
Maintain an atmosphere of enthusiasm and purpose. Children absorb the emotional tone of their environment. Your energy sets the stage.
Raise your expectations — of both child and parent. Montessori believed children are capable of far more than adults typically expect. So are you.
Expect your child to do their very best. Not perfection — their best. There is a meaningful difference, and children know it.
Take a break when the child gets tired, hungry, or frustrated. Basic physical needs are among the most underestimated barriers to learning. Always check the basics first.
Move on when a concept is understood. Doing every practice exercise is not required. Mastery matters more than completion.
Give choices.Children appreciate an appropriate degree of control over their lives. Autonomy builds intrinsic motivation — one of the strongest predictors of long-term academic success.

The Don’ts: 8 Habits Worth Leaving Behind

These practices are worth consciously avoiding — not because you’re a bad parent when they happen, but because awareness gives you the power to choose differently:

Pointing at the child — it communicates blame and shame, not guidance
Raising your voice for anything other than physical safety reasons
Allowing two activities to occur simultaneously — divided attention undermines both
Transferring your own fear of math or other subjects to your child — children absorb adult anxiety quickly and deeply
Allowing a child’s frustration to build without intervention
Using phrases such as “you must,” “you have to,” or “you should” — these erode autonomy and invite resistance
Comparing your child’s progress with another child’s — every child has their own developmental timeline
Threatening consequences not associated with the actual behavior

🧠 On math anxiety specifically: Research by Dr. Sian Beilock (University of Chicago, 2010) found that a parent’s math anxiety is directly transmissible to their children — but only when the parent is heavily involved in helping with math homework. The antidote is not to disengage, but to reframe: approach math with curiosity rather than dread, and use concrete manipulatives (as ShillerLearning does) to make abstract concepts tangible and non-threatening. Children whose parents model a growth mindset around math show significantly lower math anxiety themselves.

The “Exit” Strategy: A Montessori Tool for Tough Moments

When the going gets tough, exit gracefully. If you see your child’s frustration building, try: “I see that you’re having difficulty with this work — would you like to put it away for now and try something else?” or “Let’s move on to the next activity; I think you’ll enjoy it more.” or best: "You may continue if you choose, just let me know when you're done or if you need help" and walk away if they decide to continue.

This approach recognizes that children have natural concentration cycles: a concept central to Montessori’s work cycle theory. Giving a child the chance to recover ultimately accelerates the development of concentration, listening, and communication skills. An activity can always be revisited another day. That’s one of the many joys of homeschooling.

ShillerLearning curricula is built on a respectful relationship between parent and child. Parents achieve the best results when they speak to their child the way they would like their child to speak with them: with patience, respect, and love. A parent’s thoughtful involvement is required — and through scripted lesson books and ongoing parent support, ShillerLearning provides everything you need to succeed.