Homeschooling an Only Child

He sits next to me wrapped up in his favorite blanket. We laugh as we read our current literature selection, Robin Hood. There is no baby needing a diaper change. No big sister wanting help with her creative writing project. Just the two of us. The day is ours. My family looks different from most homeschooling families. We have chosen at-home education for our only child.

This is a unique journey filled with joys and struggles alike. I have the advantage of being an only child myself, so I understand what it is like to be the only kid around. Although I went through public school, we are navigating this homeschool journey together. Here is a peek into our experience, the stats on only children in the US, and encouragement for other families homeschooling an only.

Homeschooling an Only Child in the United States

Homeschooling is on the rise. The NCES (National Center for Education Statistics) estimates 3.4% of children in the United States are educated at home, approximately 770,000 kids.

20% of US families are single-child families. In large cities, only-child families make up 30 to 40 percent of homes. Seattle has the highest rate at 47 percent. Yet the NCES found that over 60 percent of homeschool families have three or more children. Data has not been collected on the number of families homeschooling an only, but it is clearly far below the 20 percent of US families that have one child. We are definitely in the minority.

I know a lot of homeschoolers. Most of my closest friends are homeschool parents. I have never met another homeschooling parent of an only child in person. I have connected with a few online. Among the thousands of homeschool families I interact with, we are a rare group.

📊 What the research shows about only children: A comprehensive 2010 meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin (Falbo and Polit) reviewed over 200 studies and found that only children score significantly higher than children with siblings on measures of achievement motivation, intelligence, and character. They are no more likely to be lonely, selfish, or maladjusted than children with siblings. Montessori's philosophy of individualized, child-led learning is particularly well-suited to the only child, whose education can be fully tailored to their pace, interests, and learning style without the compromises required in multi-child households.

Unique Joys and Challenges

Challenge

Loneliness

The phrase "lonely only" can ring true, and it applies to the parent as much as the child. In a homeschool culture that skews toward large families, it is easy to feel isolated as a parent of one. Kids connect to one another regardless of family size, but finding another only-child homeschool family nearby is genuinely rare. Online communities help. And only children often develop a deep appreciation for their friendships precisely because they know how precious time with a playmate can be.

Joy

Learning Becomes a Family Affair

Homeschooling an only opens up a depth of connection that is hard to replicate in a larger family. My entire attention and focus is on whatever my son is learning. No getting him started on something while I help a sibling. I often tell people that we are in second grade together. My husband loves to come home and hear what we have been learning, and he loves to help when he can. I am amazed at how much I have already learned and grown alongside my son.

Challenge

Curriculum Costs More Per Child

One of the benefits of most curriculum is that it can be used with multiple children. The price tag looks different when you know it will only be used once. You can sell materials afterward, but it is a real consideration. One thing I love about ShillerLearning's materials: the kits last a long time rather than a single school year, which makes the investment much more reasonable for a one-child family.

Challenge

Energy Wanes

Being the sole playmate and the educator is exhausting at times. Kids feed off each other's energy. Without another child around, both parent and child can run out of steam faster than expected. Building in regular breaks and outside social time is essential.

Challenge

Higher Demands on Both of You

There are no older siblings to help teach concepts, no other children to bounce ideas off of, and no one to split the chores with. Only children also tend to put enormous pressure on themselves. Knowing this firsthand, I try to minimize it as much as I can. It still surfaces regularly.

Joy

A Deeper Bond

Our bond has grown so much deeper through homeschooling. Only-child families generally report stronger parent-child connection, and having the chance to learn together has been a beautiful part of that for us. I truly cannot wait to see how it changes and grows throughout the years.

Challenge and Joy

Not Enough Time

The only thing I do not like about homeschooling is that there is not enough time. Mothers who homeschool large families have the advantage of trying more materials over more years. I once read that it takes a professional 10 to 15 years to find their footing in a career. I will not get that long as a homeschool mom. I will not get to read all the books or try all the programs I want. That makes me value and cherish each day. It also makes me a little sad. Both things are true.

"The child is both a hope and a promise for mankind."
-- Maria Montessori

Tips for Homeschooling an Only

🧠 The Montessori advantage for only children: Montessori's method is built on individualized observation and child-led pacing. In a one-child homeschool, the parent can implement this with a precision that is nearly impossible in a classroom or even a multi-child home. Every material, every lesson, every schedule can be calibrated to exactly one child's sensitive periods, interests, and developmental stage. Research on one-on-one tutoring (Bloom, 1984) found that students who received individualized instruction performed two standard deviations above the average of students in conventional classroom settings. The only-child homeschool is, in many ways, the ideal Montessori environment.

🌿

Find a nature group, co-op, or regular playdate group. A once-a-week nature school or art class may be one of the best choices you make. It gives you both some space, gives your child a consistent group of friends, and gives you a chance to breathe.

🎵

Music and art are your friends. Turning on classical music and creating something together can diffuse the most tension-filled day.

📚

Choose curriculum wisely. Look for materials like ShillerLearning's that last several years. For other materials, find a friend with children whose ages bookend yours and borrow or split the cost.

📚

Love your library. The best place to save money and meet other homeschoolers.

💬

Keep communication open. With your spouse or partner and with your child. Talk honestly about the struggles and the joys of your experience.

☕

Take a break. Being an only-child parent is demanding. Make sure you get regular time to yourself, even if it is just an hour alone while your child visits a friend. You need it to sustain this work.

🔎

Learn together. Find subjects you are both curious about and dive in. My son and I have been studying homeopathy together and it has been incredible.

📚

Model lifelong learning. Give your child some independent study time. While they work, pick up a topic you are interested in as well. You are teaching them what a learner looks like.

🤝

Get help when you need it. If you need support with cooking, chores, or cleaning to focus on education, that is a reasonable choice. The demands of educating an only are real. Getting help for subjects that are difficult for you to teach is also completely fine.

🌐

Connect with other only-child homeschoolers. They exist. The internet is a remarkable tool for finding your people.

👑

Let things go. If something in your homeschool is not working, release it. Forcing something you both dislike serves no one.

🎉

Have fun. This is the journey of a lifetime for both of you. Let the memory of bad days roll away and enjoy the adventure.

Do we have any other only-child homeschool families in our community? Reach out and let us know your tips, challenges, and how we can support you. You can reach us at support@shillerlearning.com.

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Homeschooling an Only Child

Homeschooling an Only Child in the United States